douchebaggery

I was in transit yesterday to a friends apartment from work and I got caught in the middle of some NYU courtyard just as a class was letting out and I realized that oh my god do I hate college kids. With their loudmouth conversations about nothing and bullshit fabricated stories about where they came from and how different everything is in comparison to whatever small town life they had. One of them has an acoustic guitar and he's always two steps away from some girl with the shrillest voice I've ever heard and she's talking to some girl with a mole on her face that is way too large. They all have coffee in their hands, but not starbucks... oh no this is grade A pisswater coffee from the campus coffee bar that's anti-establishment and basically mirrors starbucks sans the health care and some annoying peppy girl with a giant jew fro on register who has some big dumbass button on that is just funny enough to make you frown serves your coffee and always gets one of her long gross hairs stuck between your cup and the lid and makes you really disappointed about the $2.50 you just wasted. Someone is always pontificating loud enough to be just over the noise your headphones make and for some reason these kids get some sort of security and safety from having a tag along on their side from the previous class so they stare at you for wayyyy to long or say some dumbass remark just as they are walking parallel to you so they know you heard it but don't have to deal with the expression it gives you when you were wishing you could sucker punch them in that 2 second interval. There are too many of them and they all walk incredibly slow and glue their cell phone to their head the second they seem alone. It's like a giant support group for failed abortions bouncing around like those little teeth with feet that you wind up except when left to their own devices these teeth make a conscious decision to wear drawstring cotton wide leg pants, sweatshirts with fur inside of the hood and fucking castro hats like they're a bunch of south american dictators that are single handedly keeping the section of victoria's secret labeled 'pink' in business. jesus h it's going to be difficult for me to go back to college in september.

sea sick

This morning I was sitting on the F train to work around 10 or 11 and this douche bag gets on looking like every other kid who lives in the east village off of their parents money with their expensive jacket that's meant to look worn and scraggly hair and a pair of fucking sunglasses indoors and I said in my head "come on guy, do you really need to try so hard to be cool with your glasses inside and your store-bought rock appeal?" and I got off the train and let it slip from my mind because it happens a few times a day. Then at lunch I'm flipping through one of the Vogue's that my boss casually leaves on the break table in piles to encourage us to constantly be aware of what's fashionable and BAM there's captain douchemaster in a 7 page spread with agyness dean. Apparently I was sitting across from the strokes guitarist, albert hammond jr.


Moral of the story: the strokes suck and so does that guy.

have you ever seriously considered peeing on your roof because your roommates decided it was a good idea to have sex in the only shower in the apartment for fucking ever.


what? no me niether that's gross.

i've seen so much I'm goin blind and I'm braindead virtually

fuckshit

if I don't get into the bachelor program at FIT I'm fucked.



please kill me



please please please


kill me

relationshit

I have been doing a self portrait for the past 4 days and I have made hardly any progress.

I haven't drawn seriously for about a year.

This is really frustrating


it's 0 degrees. I'm going sledding today.

I bought a plane ticket to california yesterday and now I'm completely broke. I will be there from the 15-22 hopefully for coachella if the lineup is good and I have ticket money when it is necessary. I have completely fallen out of interest in electronica or indie music while moving here. I think it's for the best. I've reverted back to the experimental bullshit I used to listen to and a lot of punk and black metal. And 70's rock. I want to eat burritos and go to the beach and have stupid conversations where I don't have to pretend to make small talk and hug people who I truly know and enjoy.

The fact that I am totally broke again is driving home the realization that I need to finish my portfolio and college and get a real job and grow up and get some sort of idea of shit that I can pretend to get together. Or I could go back to being a waitress and spend all my money on booze and score free drugs and one day become a bartender and take place in a few shitty art shows and have a complete mental and emotional break down living in downtown new york realizing that I'm 30 and I'm still living the dream of a 21 year old who just moved to the city and still thinks it's cool to party with socialites and know people that magazine editors from other countries exploit as the epitome of edgy to give themselves underground cred.


In new york you can be 20 something for 30 years. I don't really think I want that.

one full year

and adrienne and casey were still together and about to move into a house
and kevin was unemployed and hadn't dj'd anywhere
and dom was not a party thrower with a bunch of friends I've never seen
and val wasn't engaged
and laura and teej were broken up
and henry chiang lived in san diego
and I still talked to andrew emo pants
and taryn had no idea when she was graduating school


and I still had a full head of hair and a head full of frustration and I was completely stagnant with myself and what I wanted to do and I had a few less tattoos and a lot less ridiculous situations under my belt.



I feel like this has been the year that not only myself, but everyone around me, has changed more then any year before.

one foot in the gravy

there is nasal spray dripping slowly down the back of my throat kissing my tongue with chemicals.


I don't want to do a home test, compile a portfolio or even go back to school for 2 years.


I just want to be able to save money and travel.

And eat normally and regularly.

and drink a lot.

and not work 5 days a week 40 hours a week day in and day out.

china doll

no friends is better then friends you hate





you may have no friends for a while

living it up, it's a big deal. it's good for you

I'm trying to teach my friends dog the command "abortion"