relationshit

I have been doing a self portrait for the past 4 days and I have made hardly any progress.

I haven't drawn seriously for about a year.

This is really frustrating


it's 0 degrees. I'm going sledding today.

I bought a plane ticket to california yesterday and now I'm completely broke. I will be there from the 15-22 hopefully for coachella if the lineup is good and I have ticket money when it is necessary. I have completely fallen out of interest in electronica or indie music while moving here. I think it's for the best. I've reverted back to the experimental bullshit I used to listen to and a lot of punk and black metal. And 70's rock. I want to eat burritos and go to the beach and have stupid conversations where I don't have to pretend to make small talk and hug people who I truly know and enjoy.

The fact that I am totally broke again is driving home the realization that I need to finish my portfolio and college and get a real job and grow up and get some sort of idea of shit that I can pretend to get together. Or I could go back to being a waitress and spend all my money on booze and score free drugs and one day become a bartender and take place in a few shitty art shows and have a complete mental and emotional break down living in downtown new york realizing that I'm 30 and I'm still living the dream of a 21 year old who just moved to the city and still thinks it's cool to party with socialites and know people that magazine editors from other countries exploit as the epitome of edgy to give themselves underground cred.


In new york you can be 20 something for 30 years. I don't really think I want that.